The fire that never dies

Im gonna call this a mini heart blog. It may not be make great sense but im writing this from my heart.

There are some things in life that no matter where we go, or what we do, or who we meet, that never seem to leave us. Those things that pop up over and over, at times when you least expect it to.

Rewind back to 6 years ago I was an active church member, with confidence on 1000, a CIC built up my myself, incredible faith and trust in God to the fullest. I was baptised and felt secure, comfortable and most of all I felt safe.

I was able to hear clearly and my senses to energy was heightened when I was living my life with God at the forefront.

But then LIFE happened! And everything I had experienced and that feeling of knowing myself and being certain and safe slowly faded away more and more. I felt alone and depressed. Uncertain of what I was doing or meant to be going. I no longer felt a sense of peace In my spirit. As time went on I spent less and less time with God and more and more time being worldly.

I don’t know if you can relate to that feeling of, although I know its wrong im still continuing anyway because im so far in now!……………. That’s how I felt. Knowing that smoking, lack of self control, lack of spiritual feeding etc was only leading to a dark path but still I stayed on it. Suffering with depression and anxiety, but subconsciously knowing the reasons why and the only way to help myself.

To me its crazy how we can be fully aware of what we are doing wrong, but manage to somehow convince ourselves that there is justification for it.

But with all madness, there has to come a calm. A moment of clarity, when those lightbulbs all go off and you realise you are at a critical point where you need to invite change into your life.

I needed God and everything that came with. I needed to feel that sense of peace and love in my heart again. God was my moment of clarity. By placing a simple song in my heart, God let me know that he NEVER left me & he still LOVES me. I sang, prayed and praised God for the incredible amount of love and mercy he shows me each and every day.

I am BLESSED beyond belief! How can I even think about not having gratitude to God. How can I allow LIFE and all the rollercoasters that come with it, to harden my heart and make me stray from such a fulfilling path?

This post may or may not resonate with you and I pray it does. I know I am not the only person who has felt like they have lost their way from God at some point. I like to think that God makes allowances for you drifting away because the world is set up with endless pitfalls, because the main thing is you come back to God.

I want this post to encourage you today to know that God is NEVER far from you even when you may feel that he has gone and your alone.

Gods LOVE and GRACE is an unlimited supply…. Go get you some!!! Its not based on conditions or limitations. You don’t have to buy it ( and I know we all love a freebie!!)

And most of all it WILL change your entire life!

I am on this journey and walk with God for life.

As always thank you for reading & let me know your thoughts xx

5 ways to heal from a past toxic relationship

Hey lovelies

So many of us have experienced a toxic relationship in fact too many of us have. You know that type of relationship that leaves you totally drained emotionally and mentally, and often times physically. I’ve been in both toxic and abusive relationships where it was so unhealthy that it left long lasting damage to my life.

As a Coach I speak to many women who are either in or have left a toxic relationship, but feel stuck on how to move past the damage they’ve been left with. Now I believe that after every interaction with someone we take something away from it, good or bad, positive or negative. We may have a great relationship with someone but have to end it for other reasons aside from it being toxic, so we will most likely end up with positive take aways.

Unfortunately for me I experienced a string of toxic relationships. The string was formed because I became so used to the toxic life it was all I knew, what I expected, and easily accepted. My confidence had been blown away, self love, boundaries, respect was all a myth. So leaving my last toxic relationship, I knew I had to change things within MYSELF and HEAL myself. And not for the purpose of getting into another relationship (at that time I was soooo anti men lol) but for myself.

Here are 5 tips that I used to get past toxic relationships……

1* Prayer… As a woman of faith prayer really helped me to overcome a lot of the pain I was carrying. It was a release for me to be able to cry, speak out, and meditate without judgement. With my ex having had an affair my family and friends were not the best people to give unbiased advise or support at the time. God has truly helped me to heal my heart and let go of anger and hurt feelings that were ruling my head.

2* Forgiveness… oh yes this was one of the hardest for me as you can imagine given the circumstances of break up! But think about it like this. When you refuse to forgive someone for their wrongs you hold yourself in bondage. That person may not even care or may have already prayed for their own forgiveness. You holding onto anger and hate only destroys you. It ages you (and us women love to remain youthful), and it ultimately makes you bitter. Forgiving does not mean forgetting.

3* Practice self love… I lost a lot of self love and had to learn how to love myself all over again. It’s all about making yourself a priority and really taking care of yourself in all areas. I started blogging as a way of expressing my feelings back in 2016. It helped to develop my confidence and provided me with a platform to support other women. The more positive feedback I got the more I felt confident not just in speaking out but in my abilities and my purpose.

If your struggling with self love download my FREE ebook on self love
https://www.canva.com/design/DADEAgYUgsI/GQRaYtR7u6-surE5ZtorMw/view

4* Seek closure… Now this part really depends on the other person. Sometimes the relationship was too toxic to sit down and have a closure conversation but if you can, it could be beneficial to bring some ending to your relationship. If you cannot which I never got the opportunity to, then you need to bring about your own closure. That comes about by having acceptance, forgiveness and rebuilding self love. When you have come to accept the past situation and hold no ill feelings in your heart, I would say you have achieved closure.

5* Clear the baggage… Each relationship or even just each interaction we have we take something away from it. In some cases it could be negative baggage that weighs us down. It could come in the form of anger issues or insecurities. The alternative is taking away a positive form of baggage which of course should be kept. But entering into another relationship or even just moving forward you do not want to carry excess baggage…. Think Erykah Badu Bag Lady!!!!

Sometimes the hardest part is getting over the relationship. It’s hardly ever easy and can feel never ending but by taking these steps I promise you it will make the process a lot easier. I’m living proof.

Love and light xx

The 5 essential ways to heal yourself

As a personal growth coach, one of the key areas i specialise in is healing from the past to be able to build your future. I know so well how much our past experiences can hold us back from moving forward and actually living our best life.

I wasted so much time, just repeating the same patterns, thinking and feeling the same. I was keeping myself a hostage to the past! When i think about it i had to heal from so much to be able to move forward. I had to relearn so much and reset my mindset, but it was the best move in my life.

I was healing from abuse where i spent a long time not dealing with. I put all of those memories to the back of my mind. I chose to ignore it instead of actually dealing with it. Most past relationships i have been in has had some form of abuse towards me. Also healing from the lack of relationship with my father, infidelity….. the list goes on. I had to tackle each of these issues head on. Being abused in the past kept me with zero self esteem or self love, kept me thinking very negatively of myself, treating myself badly, no motivation and no progression in my life.

I used 5 key elements when taking the time out to heal…..

  1. Take a time out!!! In order to deal with the past, taking a time out to regroup and gain some space is a great place to start. I took time off from everything and just made myself the priority. I went abroad alone for the first time in my life, to really reflect. I felt that was so helpful. I had nobody to hold my feelings down for. (You know sometimes we downplay our emotions because we don’t want to make others feel uncomfortable). I cried a whole lot, i reflected even more and made plans for my life. So take a time out. Even if you are unable to go abroad, try to arrange some solo time.

  2. Cry!!! As i mentioned above, i cried a whole lot. I had to. It felt incredible to cry out my pain. It was hard at first because my brain automatically shut down each time i tried to think of my past. But once i allowed the feelings to come to the surface i cried a whole lot and that release felt so good. Crying can be really healthy to express yourself and let go of inner pain.

  3. Pray!!! Religious or not, for me praying became a staple in getting me through my healing phase. I have always been a woman of faith, but in those dark moments of self healing, i realised just how much my faith was needed. I needed to know that i was not alone. I was able to speak out my hurt, pain, memories, questions during prayer. I was able to talk and feel listened to but without any judgement or having to hold back. If you do not pray try meditation as a way of tuning in with yourself and bringing everything into alignment.

  4. Be honest with yourself!!! Be transparent with yourself and don’t hold back. When your tackling your past issues to grow and move forward, you have to be honest with yourself. You have to take responsibility for your actions, you have to admit any wrongs. Be open to yourself. I chose to write during my healing, as i’ve always been better at writing my thoughts and feelings down rather than speaking. I wrote honestly about how i felt, what things have happened in my past and how those things affected me.

  5. And lastly turn a pain point into a positive!!! I started blogging right at the start of my healing journey. I wanted to share my experiences with others, i wanted to express myself/vent, and most of all despite my own trials, i wanted to help and encourage others. Blogging was a great way to turn my pain into something positive. I was fulfilling all of my wants and healing at the same time…BONUS! If its starting a support group, if its blogging, if its a Youtube channel, a book, whatever it is that your drawn to, do it. It will motivate you even more as you go through the journey!

I hope these tips help you in your healing journey. Feel free to comment below ways which have helped you in your healing journey.

Love Patrice-Danielle xx

Love the skin your in

We watch TV of  models, actresses, artists, musicians, reality stars and we can develop a type of envy and longing to be more like them and less like ourselves.  Why?  Because as women and men in this day and age we are constantly bombarded with media and false images of what we are SUPPOSED to look like!  Get real!  Who decides whats beautiful or not?  The best body shape? Best eyebrow shape? Best weight?  

The truth is that God never intended for us to all look, be or feel the same.  We are all uniquely made by God in the way that God wanted to see us.  Why should it matter if man disagrees with the fact that we are ALL beautiful, and acceptable to God.  

Every man or woman was not created to be the same.  Do not feel guilty or inadequate for not fitting into the boxes created by man.  Instead focus on fitting into that box that God has designed specifically for you and only for you.  Wouldnt you prefer to have an assignment over your life and be different from all the rest of society.  And as the best reward you are following God in the process.

 

Many of us have so much self hatred, lack of self esteem and lack of confidence.  This may be due to our past experiences, our circle, childhood or lifestyle.  

I remember having zero confidence after leaving a Domestic Abuse relationship.  The man had sucked all of my confidece from me and put me down no end.

But God saved me and reminded me that i am beautiful, i am bold, i am no longer lacking because in him i have an abundace of everything.

 

Love the skin that your in.  Embrace it and nurture it. 

 

Be Inspired

Untitled

One of my goals for this year was to get fit and healthy.  Sounds like something over a million other people said on 1st January.  I genuinely meant it, not that they never but I just know that I did.

Being a mother to four children has taken more than a toll on my body.  I used to be slim.  All throughout school days and early adult years i was a size 8.  Despite having my first son at 18, then my second at 21, I still never gained weight.  Honestly there were many times where I wished that i could gain some weight, get a bigger bum, more shapely legs etc.  But clearly God made me that way for a reason.

 

Then it happened.  I gave birth to my fourth child and that wish came true.  I went from a size 8 to a size 12 in a matter of months. I of course loved it.  My backside was looking very round, so jeans were a joy to wear.  My legs the same.  I embraced it.  But with my weight came my untoned stomach.  Now please dont get me wrong this is my personal opinion of how i feel about my body.  I still love myself regardless.  

 

Now I joined a gym a while back and being such a busy mummy I wasnt able to be as consistent as I should have been.  So I fell off.  But now God has given me a fire and injected some motivation and energy into my body and im determind to get to where I want to be.

 

Nothing in life comes from not having to work for it.  Nothing worth having comes easy.  No pain No Gain.  If I want results I need to take action.  How in the world can we sit down and moan about our circumstances yet do little or nothing to adjust, improve or change it altogether?

I know for me that motivating myself is an issue.  I can do it for others all day long.  I can push others and encourage them but when it comes to self I fall short.   We need to be our own cheerleaders in life sometimes.  You have got to push and push until someting starts to change.

 

When I am working out I repeat that to myself.  If I stop now because im tired, hot, pained and fed up... then  how will I reach my goal? 

I pray and ask God to increase in me patience, will power and strength.  Through him we already know that everything is possible which alone is motivation.

 

So having said that, I have completed a 40 min workout today. whooooop whoooop.  Im tired but it was worth it.

 

Keep on keeping on, the race is not for the swift but those who can endure.

 

Be Inspired

Teenager alert

I am in such a confused state right now.  Im being faced with emotional outbursts, cheeky back talk, an overwhelming need for independence, oh and an enormous increase in food intake.  I am months away from being the proud mother of a teenager!!!

When my eldest son was born I had this naive thought in my mind that he would stay a baby forever and I could never imagine him even reaching to primary school age.  I remember saying to my mum that I could never see him reach 5.  It was just impossible for me to imagine. The day he was born i fell in crazy love instantly.  Fast forward 12 years and i'm here in confusion as to how we made it here so quickly. Sigh.....

 

A week ago I decided that it was time for me to really start spending one on one time outside the home as a high priority.  I have 4 children and the youngest being almost two means im extremely busy and one to one time is often hard to manage.  So I get this bright idea and decide after hearing my son mention he wanted to watch Ride Along 2, that cinema on a friday night, just the two of us would be ideal. So I keenly booked tickets smiling to myself thinking he will be excited.

Fats forward to friday.  I tell him that we are going out tonight.  I was then barraged with about 50 questions to try and figure out my surprise.  I kept it as a surprise, told him to be ready by 6pm and drove to the movies.  

The drive consisted of me talking to myself on the journey as his face was buried in his mobile phone LOL.  So we arrive and I suggest we link arms.... and the look of horror and disgust that formed on his face was truly a sight.  I was gently patted on my shoulder and told ''no mum i cant do that, i've got a reputation to keep up''.   I genuinely didn't know what to say, because he was so serious too.

 

We watched the movie and had a great laugh together, but exiting the movies i was encountered with my child walking very slowly behind me as though i was a stranger.  

I mean i thought i looked ok, i had made an effort to look trendy LOL.

 

All in all we had a great night and i achieved my purpose to spend time with him alone and we had a laugh in the process.  I guess its just seeing my 'baby' growing up too fast right before my eyes.  Im struggling to process this stage of life with him at this awkward stage, but I hope it will get easier? or at least I will get used to it?  Either way its happening and I just gotta roll with it and remember i've got this stage to do x4!!!!

 

Prayers for sanity please send them my way.

 

S.I

Bumps and humps

We have all been there at some point in time.  Things appear to be going great for a while but then it all of a sudden comes to a grinding halt and we come up against obstacles and major opposition.  For some people like me i would literally be waiting for the bump in the road to arrive, as i had been meeting it so often.  I began expecting it to happen and in a subconscious way i was almost willing it to happen.  You see when we expect negativity we may as well be opening the door and inviting it in.  

Although we all know that unexpected obstacles can come around, its PREPARING and equipping yourself for those times to come.  If we wake up every day and EXPECT positivity and great things then that is what we are inviting in.

I suppose the question now is so what happens when you are positive and negative things still decide to come and fool around with you.  This is where preparation, reflection and growth comes in.  Once you put these elements into your life routine you will be much better equipped to handle the bumps.  If you have in your mind that these bumps are necessary and a part of growth (despite them being ansnoying and sometimes very painful) then you WILL succeed in moving past it relatively unscaved.

 

Throughout my own life, i never implemented any of the above which i have written.  No prep, no reflection and certainly limited growth.  I was continually making the same mistakes again and again because i was not focusing on getting my mind in the correct place.  I was dwelling, i was wallowing, i was stuck.  And if im honest with you i was doing that to myself.  If i had decided to change my though process, and focus my energy on building a positive energy around me i would have avoided many pitfalls.

 

Dont get me wrong im greatful to God for my low moments because they have shaped me into the person i am becoming today.  If i hadnt known the pain i endure i would have no idea how to relate to others in similar circumstances, that im involved in supporting and motivating now!  So im a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and God has a plan behind all of the negative experiences.

 

I can recall crying out to God in anger and frustration as to why he was making me endure a lengthy and very stressfull custody court battle with my ex partner.  It spanned a total of 10 years!  and was one if the darkest periods in my entire life so far.  I was confused as to why on earth God would give me such an amazing gift (my son) and then allow him to be removed from my care by his father through lies and all for the purpose of revenge.  I had to endure humiliating moments in court, being scrutinised by social services, Cafcass officers, court officials, schools etc for years. I lost precious time with my son when he was forced to live with his father (who he barely knew) and had to fight tooth and nail to have him returned home to me.  I felt like giving up more times than i could count.  I contemplated doing things which were very sinful, i was just under immense pressure at the time.  

Despite me feeling so alone God knew my pain.  He knew my path and when he was going to end my suffering.  I was at my lowest point and attended a church recommeneded to me by a friend.  I had moved to a new area for a fresh start.  My son was back in my care at this moment but my ex was fighting to have him returned and the courts were 90% on his side throughout the proceedings.  

I went to church on Sunday and cried out to God and left ALL of my baggage and tears at that alter.  That week i just spent so much time in prayer surrendering my issue over to God.  My court case was on the following Friday.

And yes you guessed it the ALMIGHTY turned it around! Completely 360 turn.  I was overwhelmed. My court case ended at the end of 2013 completely. 

 

I use this example for myself now to rememeber where i have come from and that i have endured alot of hardships in my life, but more importantly i have overcome them and im still overcoming them.  I now wake up with a positive mindset.  I try to speak positively about my life, my ventures and myself.  I make a concious effort to distance myself from negative people and things that are brain numbing or pointless.  Im focused now because i reflect on my life daily, and i put things into place to adjust things to how they work positively for me.  I WILL NOT be defined my my past circumstances, and i WIL NOT be a slave to my past.  

 

Take every day as a new opportunity to grow, build and make positivity reign in your life.  It does not matter what happened 2 days ago or 20 years ago.  You CAN still move forward and be a better you.

 

Be Inspired x

 

Fix up

Like many women who have children young, we have a false idea in our mind of how wonderful things will be between us and our child's father! For me I was 17, and thought we would sail off into that sunset and be happy ever after.  Besides why not?  He 'loved me and I loved him' so of course things were perfect. (The immaturity of a teenage mind lol)  I was frightened about becoming a mummy.  I was young, working and still living at home.  Life was great.  No real responsibilities.  Despite my fears I was overjoyed at the prospect of being a mummy.  

The warning signs with my child's father were there from the start and everyone else could see them just not me.  He began to try to control me, and when I tried to break away he became violent.

 

I'm not bitter about what occurred between us all those years ago, I guess my real gripe is that SOME men diminish their responsibility and role as a father simply because it suits them to do so.  I find it appalling and shameful that us as women (and a lot of single fathers too) are having to pick up the double slack because the other party doesn't want to claim their share of responsibility.

I'm sick and tired of hearing and seeing fellow queens struggling to make ends meet financially as though they created life alone.

 

In my case my child father has nothing at all to do in the upbringing or support of our child and that's his own personal choice.  Now my son has never needed for anything and I have and always will, endeavour to make sure he has EVERYTHING he needs in abundance.

 My question I guess is why?  Why create life and then abandon it as though it means nothing.  Do you think that these children will stay as children forever?  Do you not think that these same children will one day expect answers from you? Do you not feel ashamed to be known as an absent parent?

Don't get me wrong as I said above there are women that do the same thing, and men that are left holding the baby.  I also know that there are men that have been prevented from seeing their children through no fault of their own.  But im talking about those that act as though the dishing out of having a conscience at birth missed them.  Im talking about those who were born with a double dose of the selfish gene.  Its not all about money but let's be real, I don't know any child that's been brought up on fresh air!!!!

 It's about quality time, love, teaching. being a role model, etc

 

These kids, and in my case my son will grow into an adult not too long from now God willing, and is going to have questions for his other parent.  I just hope he and all the other absent, non supporting parents will have the answers.

 

Kings and Queens the process of making and creating life is never one to take lightly.  It is a God given gift that is not bestowed to all.  If you are blessed enough to have a child or children, take that as just that, a blessing.  Despite relationship breakdowns, your own childhood, your finances, your career or whatever.... still own that responsibility of being a parent.  Our kids depend on you to give them the best start in life.  Yes we know we can do it alone, but why should we?  We never lay down and impregnated ourselves!  For me being a parent is the most rewarding and special thing i have ever done.  I feel abundantly blessed to be a mother and have my children call me mum.  Regardless if my child's other parent is there or not I will assume my role as a queen and raise my kings to be just that.  Men of integrity and men that assume responsibility in life.  Men that respect women and themselves.  And men that realise the importance of playing an active role in their kids lives.

 

Rant over (lol)

 

S.I 

SLXLM

 

The real issue

I woke up today and after praying, checked my social media and came across a very eye catching photo.  I mean it literally made me sit up and say aloud.... that is my next blog post.  Before i start that i just want to say that God is so good.  The enemy has been trying his hardest to demotivate me by attacking my health and knowledge retention.  However God showed up and once I saw this pic I instantly knew God was putting me back on track.

 

For a long time I struggled with knowing the difference between my atmosphere being wrong, and my heart being in the correct place.  I can think of many a time when I felt this battle inside my mind and heart, but one that God bought into my mind this morning, was that of my marriage.

 

After my marriage separation, I kept thinking to myself that my atmosphere was all wrong.  I kept praying to God to remove negativity from around me, to lighten the dark cloud that seemed to loom over my everyday life.  I was being attacked in so many ways.  My health was the worst.  I suffered from recurrent health issues that appeared to just 'pop up' out of nowhere and caused distress to not only me but also my children.  I blamed that on major stress that i was going through at the time.
I battled with depression and was in such a dark and hopeless place.  I felt like i couldnt get out of it.  Again in my mind it was my negative atmosphere that was contributing to this season.

 

I was blessed at the time to have a strong support system around me who prayed with me and tried in various way to uplift my spirits.  I had a friend come and pray over my home to assist in changing the negative atmosphere in the home.  Imagine my frustration when i still felt the same way and the atmospher stayed the same.  I was encouraged to play praise and worship, read psalms aloud in the home etc. 

Yep you guessed it....the atmosphere was as stubborn as a mule. 

In turn i blamed everything and everyone else for this sad state of affairs.  I blamed my husband mostly as his actions led to our separation of course, so it must have been his fault surely?

 

My support system, told me that i needed to forgive in order to move on.  I said yes I agreed, even prayed on it but it was actions without depth.

I wasnt truly letting go of the anger in my heart, because a part of me wanted to stay in the angry zone. I didnt want to forgive because it seemed too easy for him.  The reality was, I would never have an atmosphere shift if I didnt fix my HEART! No matter how many times I prayed for a shift, or how many times I had my home prayed over....The reality was my heart was full of unforgiveness,bitterness,anger,resentment.  I needed prayer for my heart before anything else.

 

Many of us do not realise just how much having a heavy heart can give us a negative atmosphere. It consumes us so much more than it needs to.  Why should we live with negative and unproductive atmospheres?

Stop confusing the heavyness over your life for bad atmospheres.  Before you pray for atmosphere changes, pray for a change of heart. Pray for God to reveal anything in your heart that you dont even know is there. Trust me it works!

 

I wasted time by praying for the wrong thing. I had to seriously reflect on what was happening in my life and what i wanted moving forward.  Although still separated from my husband i am in the process of completely letting go of the anger and bitterness.  His infidelity devastated me but its not my ending!

(i will do a blog post about that i think)

I am successfully changing my atmosphere because I changed my heart.

 

So instead of feeling that dark and heavy cloud over my life, I now feel lighter,much more positive, in control and I feel like I have grown in my walk with God.  I can communicate better and express my feelings better. 

 

I am so blessed to have the support system that I do.  God placed them in my life for a reason.  I just encourage whoever reads this to be inspired and be honest with yourself.

 

Be Inspired

 

S.I

 

What do you allow to define you?

Happy Sunday and for some happy love day.  I personally do not celebrate 'Valentines Day' but to those that do, I hope you have a good one.  I am celebrating the fact that Jah has blessed me in abundance with an overflow of love from him, my children, my family and friends.  

 

This week I wrote an instagram post about the fact that my tears, my past and all my trials do not define me.  It got me thinking about what actually does define me.  I have been through some pretty awful circumstances, and have endured and battled my way through.  Through these times I have felt low.  I have felt so low that i felt worthless, as though my life held no value.  At times even knowing that my kids would miss me didn't snap me out of those dark and gloomy times!  I can't count how many times I cried out of frustration because I just couldn't get out of that dark place.  Everywhere I turned was dark.  Then a small piece of light, then Amy Winehouse style 'back to black'!  That feeling of suffocation, and the feeling that you're screaming out for help but nobody can hear you!  I don't know if you can relate but i know someone can.  During these times I could see nothing positive about my life, about myself or my future.  

 

When the dark clouds finally seemed to disappear for a decent period of time I didnt even know who I was.  I was so used to being in that dark place and feeling and being negative that I could not enjoy the sunshine.  This made me make many mistakes and fall into things I really didn't need to.  I knew that I needed to find myself.

 

I started this journey of rediscovering myself last year.  I had been through so so much and I needed to find out who I was.  What I was about. what defined me.  I had to ask myself a series of questions and answer them honestly to myself.  

* Would I continue to live in my past?

*Would I continue to blame others for my own mistakes, I need to take responsibility 

* What do I want to define me in my life?

These are just a few of what I questioned and asked myself.

 

Now anyone that has done or is doing a rediscovery journey knows how hard and emotional it can be.  Reflecting over your past was a really hard thing for me.  I had suppressed SO much.  I didn't want to go back.  But i knew that it was the only way to get my mind in the place it needs to be.  I'm still on the journey (not quite there yet but im much much better than where i was and that's what counts)

 

You see, my past does not define who i am today.  The fact that i became a young mother does not define me today, I'm a great mother and my firstborn and my others are happy and well loved.

 

The fact that I have been abused by ex partners does not define who i am today.  God has made my heart not harden towards all men and is giving me a heart of forgiveness.

 

The fact that I may no longer be able to have children aged 29 does not define me because I am blessed to be a mother to 4 amazing children.

 

The fact that my marriage has broken down does not define me because I know my worth as a woman and as a wife.

 

The mistakes I made years ago, the people I hurt, the way I behaved do not define me.  I have owned up to those mistakes, apologised to those I hurt and have changed my behaviour.  JAH has forgiven me.

 

Today I am defined by what and who I am currently, and who i'm working to be in my future.  Today I am on the journey to rediscover myself before life took over. Before relationships broke my heart and abused me.  Today I am stronger than i've ever been.  Today im learning to love myself as I am.  Today I can define myself in a totally different way.  

 

When you look at yourself what defines you?  If its still your past then take a journey of rediscovery and trust me you will gain so much.

 

Be Inspired

 

SLXLM

S.I

 

 

Ladies know your worth

I get asked alot about how i deal with the cards thats been dealt to me in life, of late the cards ive been dealt with in relationships and the outcomes.  I personally cannot even answer those questions because all i know is that without my faith and the people that i have around me i would be lost.  

I speak to so many female friends and family that seem to be going through this season of men not realising or appreciating a womans worth.  Im not blogging to bash all men because granted there are some fantastic men out there that truly appreciate and value a queen and what she has to offer him.  Im speaking about the men that abuse a womans trust, those men that devalue a woman, those that break a woman down and still expect the woman to remain faithful or stick by them.

 

As a woman who has experienced all of the above its hurtful.  Not only because some, not all, of us women are faithful and loyal, encouraging and loving towards our partner, but because we are always striving to do better and are subjected to time wasting males that find it fun to create havoc in our lives.  I guess the natural thing is when you give your all to another you expect them to do the same in return.  You expect them to value what your expelling and work ALONGSIDE you not against you.  But when its not what happens and you find yourself broken down or turned bitter, it can ever long lasting effects on your life and future relationships.

 

I am legally married (now separated) to a man who placed the spirit of lust and infidelity in our marriage and in our home.  I believed that we were in a growing relationship and any short comings of the past were left.  I was happy enough and as many women felt that i could be a superhero and change this man from his past ways.  I thought that my positive input in his life would have us sailing into the sunset. (I laugh as i write this)

 I forgave his past mistakes and married him against the wishes of my close family and friends because i thought i could make it work.  I wanted the 'fairytale'.  I wanted my children to grow up with their father in the home with stability,  I wanted to do it 'the right way'.  

Ive realised now through reflection that my ideology of what i thought was stablity was not even close.  I was fighting a losing battle.  Married and still the 'victim' (now overcomer) of my husbands affairs.  

The news of that affair 2 weeks before i gave birth and after our mariage renewal broke me.  Not just because of the sexual aspect but the disrespect and lack of value to what i gave to his life.  I was his wife.  We had exchanged vows before family and friends and above all God.  The news left me completely confused and depressed.  I couldnt see where i had gone wrong.  I didnt sleep or eat.

If you have ever been cheated on you find yourself comparing yourself to the other woman and doubting your own qualities.  I went through a literal top to toe comparison.

Was i too slim? 

was my hair not long enough?

was my complexion not right?

was i not fun enough?

was i too ambitious?

had i not spent enough time and attention loving my partner?

The list goes on and the battle consumed me.  Until i realised NO.  I wasnt the issue he was the issue.

 

This is what i mean by a man wearing you down mentally and physically.  The truth is he wasnt enough for me.  He failed at being the husband that i needed and deserved.  I could have given him the world and still it wouldnt change anything. 

 

When you relfect on yourself and go on a journey to rediscover yourself you realise like i have, that you are so valuable.  I am worth more than diamonds and gold.  I am precious and deserving of genuine love.  I can hold my head high and know that i WAS enough just not for his standards.  Its hurtful yes,  and it angers me more than anything because i invested and gave so much to this man, but such a valuable lesson for many reasons.  Number one im no longer in dreamland, i am no longer being hurt and decieved and i have rediscovered myself and gained back my lost self esteem and confidence.  

 

If a man cannot see your value beyond bedroom activity, what he can get from you etc, or wanting to live a single mans lifestyle yet be with you then he is not worth your time.  Its better to wake up alone than be sleeping with a stranger!  A man should treat his woman like the queen that she is.  Beyond material things and fancy words, but spoil her with honesty, respect and a genuine heart and attittude.

 

As i take the journey of rebuilding and empowering myself, i thank Jah for his guidance and love.  He has given me such a new found love and respect for myself because he loves me just the way i am.  I do not have to be someone else or try to adapt myself for him to love me.  I am now able to know that any man i have a relationship with has to have the same model.  He has to love me in the same fashion. 

Jah has allowed me to fall in love with myself and discover my talents, and my abilities that had been overshadowed by focusing on the wrong things.  Im just so thankful for the hurt and pain that ive recently endured.  Im stronger now because ive had to be.  Im a mother and i NEED to show my children the right way to handle a relationship. Above all im a woman and us women are built to withstand, so how do i fall down at a hurdle? No i dust off and come back stronger and above all wiser!

 

You can rise above the unsavoury cards that are dealt to you.  I know that feeling of being so low and feeling worthless because somebody took you for granted.  I know that sick, kick in your stomac,h Mike Tyson style box that being told about a partners infidelity can give you.  I know about those nights crying yourself to sleep.  Being a mother and having to rebuild yourself to do it by yourself or facing the reality of a 2 parent home being snatched away.  Trust me i know.  I also know that when you reach your lowest point where you cant cry anymore, thats when you start the uphill climb.  It hard but its worth it.  

You can and you will overcome.

 

I just encourage any woman who has been robbed of their knowledge of their worth to fight and regain it.  Fight and get it back.  Why settle for less than you deserve.  Get comfortable being with you,  empower yourself and love the skin you are in.  You are beautiful and worthy of a king.

Stay up my beautiful, diamond Queens

 

A man that doesnt know a womans worth is a fool to himself. 

 

 

Be inspired

 

S.I

 

One of the hardest things to do

A sister- friend of mine recently gave me some feedback on my blog and some lovely words of encouragement.  We spoke for a little while and she mentioned that she would like me to do a blog post on the element of forgiveness. Such a huge topic and something that, for our friendship, was instrumental in healing us both from past mistakes.

 

We had a massive falling out many years ago and to be honest i cannot even remember how or why it started, but what i do remember is the many years lost as a result of it.  We both said some harsh words to each other and carried around a slight bitterness towards one another.  It became an issue as we are both a part of the same circle of friends and so any social gatherings were awkward, although we were cordial we still had an obvious dislike for one another.  

Clearly not a healthy environment for two adults.  Looking back we were both so immature.

The truth was i guess we both felt that we were right in our own ways and instead of moving forward and confronting the issue we just buried it for a long time, 

 

Obviously we know how Jah works (smile), and circumstances bought us to a point where we were alone and really had no other option but to clear the air.  Needless to say there was alot of smiles and laughter afterwards.  I think its fair to say we have not looked back since!!!! Aside from just apologising to one another, we had to genuinely forgive each other.  I am so blessed to be able to be friends again with someone that i had such a great relationship before. (oh gosh im getting all emotional hahaha). I love her as more than a friend and despite our differences of opinions at times, she is a truly warm and loving person.   

 

Forgiveness is an essential part of your growth!  Both in your earthly life and your spiritual life.

 

Forgiveness is not just simply saying sorry, its letting go from your heart.  Its asking Jah to cleanse your heart and actually show you where you are still holding ill feelings.  Its not always easy because people can hurt you so so bad and you just do not even want to hear their name let alone forgive them for what they have done. We have all been there.

 

One thing to bear in mind is that forgiveness does not always mean that the person can or still needs to be in your life.  Its not a free access pass for them to do it again or even to have that opportunity, its a form of release for YOU and enables you to move forward unburdend. Forgiveness is not something that you only grant someone once they have apologised either.  Sometimes you have to forgive people regardless if they themselves are sorry  or not.  Leave the judgement to Jah.

I have carried resentment and bitterness in my heart for many years for certain people who will never see the error of their ways.  Am i going to sit down and block my blessings, am i going to laden down my heart; or am i going to forgive the apology that i havent got and enhance my life?

I think you can guess the answer.

 

Do you notice how easy we can ask Jah to forgive us of our mistakes, but deny others when they ask?  Or we do not even take steps to forgive them? We do something wrong and its confession time and pleading with Jah to forgive us.  We cant expect to be forgiven if we cannot forgive ourselves.

 

I am still in a place of heart cleansing, because its not an overnight thing, it doesnt just happen and life is a bed of roses.  It takes time.  However the most important thing to remember is that it can happen.  No matter how much a person has hurt you, betrayed you, disrespected you, you can forgive them and relase yourself from them.

Did you know that unforgiveness is a form of soul tie? ( Thats a whole other blog!!!)

 

If there is someone that you feel as though you cant forgive just reconsider.  Take your time and i promise you it can happen.  If you want to reconcile with a loved one but time has passed and forgiveness has not taken place, take the first step and let Jah and time do the rest.  If we are honest, alot of the time arguments and fall outs are so trivial and occur when tempers are raised!  Let your heart and mind be free.   Im truly glad that i did.

 

S.I

You dont know what you have until...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

SLXLM

 

Have you ever listened to a song and it put you in the mind of someone special?  Or have you watched a program or even just smelt something and it instantly reminds you of someone special?  I had that feeling today. 

 

Dear Aunty Maggie,

 

I would give anything to speak with you one last time.  To hear your infectious cheeky laugh one more time.  To hug you one more time. To hear your silver bangles jingle one last time.  You were more than a Godmother.  You were a friend, confidant and second mother to me.  I could come and talk to you about anything and you gave the best advice, mixed in with your jokes and empowerment.  

You were and still are loved by so many people, so dearly missed. But most of all you touched so many peoples lives and hearts with your loving nature and generousity.  Its no wonder you had so many God-children.

At my darkest times you spoke to me and shared details about your own life to uplift me.  Despite the Diabetes taking away the physical elements of you, your heart and humour always remained in tact.

Its not that i never knew what i had with you aunty, i guess its that i felt you would always be there.  I never imagined a life without being able to pick up the phone and call you.  I never imagined having to accept the fact that our time with you is over, and Jah now has his angel back with him.

Im so thankful to have had you in my life and i feel you always watching over me and my kings.  I will forever love you and cherish what you have taught me, the love that you showed me and the light you gave to my life.

 

'Peanut'

xxxxxxx

 

I felt so emotional today because i miss my God-mother to no end.   I felt sad for a time and my  mind started to wander off and i thought about those people who take others for granted.  We can spend so much time arguing, fighting, being angry, not talking ....and then we realise how much time was wasted when we lose the person in some way.  

I did not speak to my God-mother for a few years prior to her passing.  I had an argument with my God-sister that escalated and it simply became easier to hold my corner than do anything else.  Although i did speak to my God-mother over the phone i never went to see her.  Something i regret very much now.

So you see as i write this my heart feels so heavy because there are so many things i wish i could have done different.  I now will never ger a chance to do those things.

 

Dont wait for time to stop you from making steps to remedy situations.  Dont let stupid arguments and fall outs leave you feeling deep regret.  

Cherish those people around you and make an effort to be in their lives, enjoy your time together.  Make an extra effort to pick up the phone and call or text, take that trip, make the time.

You just dont know what tomorrow brings!  Be grateful and cherish your family and friends.

 

S.I

 

untitled

 

This week i was feeling unwell and kind of sorry for myself in the process.  You know how when you feel unwell and you have kids to look after, house to clean, dinner to cook, clothes to wash....it just all seems extremly overwhelming.  So in the midst of doing my mummy duties i had an experience that just really made me start deep thinking.

 

I had just dropped my sons to school and was rushing to get home so that i could get some bits in the house done before my energy levels dropped to zero.   So im driving and listening to some gospel as i do in the AM.  

As i got closer to home I became stuck behind a slow driver.  Now all my fellow drivers know exactly what i mean. That driver that simply grinds your gears because they clearly have nowhere to go and you do.  Those drivers that make you crane your head to see if they are behind a slow driver, only to realise they are just on their own thing. Yes, that driver that makes you use your horn excessively to vent your frustration.

And that was me.  I was doing all of the above and muttering to myself that this driver was being so annoying and just as I was about to beep my horn I stopped.  

I literally had my hand on the horn but couldnt beep it.  My spirit said to me that the driver in front of me was actually there for my protection!

 

I had encountered similar experiences before that had made me think twice but I guess I had not really been taking notice lately.  I have been simply ignoring certain areas of my spirit man and not utilising or tapping into it.  Now if you believe in your spiritual side or not im sure you can relate.  Some may refer to it as 'something just told me' or ' I dont know why but something led me to....'

At one point i had been so on point with my spirit man that i could sense things, and protect myself from many downfalls. However im guilty of allowing circumstances in life throw me off track.  

 

As i continued driving behind this slow slow car i began to simply thank Jah for the protection and covering.  Who knows what i had been protected from?  I could have sped along and crashed my car, I could have hit someone, I could have driven into danger.  Who knows.  I just know that my spirit was certainly working for my good that day.

 

Im not saying that there cant be annoying drivers or situations that just simply happen because people are annoying at times lol.  Im simply saying to think before you act.  Do not always assume that Jah isnt protecting you from things you cannot see or even imagine.  Stop rushing to nowhere and slow down enough to be able to hear your spirit advising and talking to you.   I have pledged to myself to make even more time to feed my spiritual side in order to be protected.

 

Next time you get 'that feeling', trust it and work with it.

 

Be Inspired

 

S.I

Leave the door closed

Have you ever wondered why you continue to find yourself in the SAME situations time after time?  Do you feel like your life is a re-run episode? Are you just simply fed up of the way someone treats you or the energy they surround you with?

 

The title is your solution.  Leave the door closed and stop trying to re-open them.  We all learn the hard way that Jah is protecting us from people and situations, but it is a process.  We have all had someone in our lives that has left our life for one reason or another and time has moved on, yet we find ourselves inviting that person back in knowing fully well its counter productive and toxic. **SIGH**

They could be an ex partner, friend, co-worker, or even a family member.  

 

Jah has this amazing way of removing us from harmful situations even if, to us it seems confusing.  Imagine you have a friend that you have known for years, and out of nowhere you fall out randomly.  You have no idea why these situations occur but the reality is Jah is removing them for your benefit!  You then go ahead and try to resolve the situation and resume your relationship.  However all the things that the person negatively brought to the table is very visable to you now.

 Oh yeah now you notice the atmosphere change when that person is around you.  You notice the negative content of their conversations and the fruitless point.  You notice their company and their lifestyle is not appealing to you.  Jah is showing you the exact reasons why that person was removed from your life.  

 

I can recall years ago praying and asking Jah to renew my life.  I wanted to be whole, i wanted to be free from any rubbish in my life.  I asked Jah to reveal to me anyone that was not meant to be in my life, and anyone who did not mean me any good. Following my prayers, Jah spoke to me in 2 seperate dreams both giving me clues as to the changes I needed to make.  I was stunned to say the least and at first could not understand why Jah would highlight these particular people to me, but I had to trust.   After all I prayed and asked him to do something for me, so I couldnt then turn away when I didnt get the answers I expected or wanted!  I had to let those people go.

 Sometimes we do not understand, but we need to trust that everything Jah reveals to us to do is for our benefit.  Some journeys are not meant to accomodate certain passengers!  There are certain places that you are going that those people will not be of benefit to you.  On the other hand its also important to remember that, some people and interactions are only for a season!

 

Sometimes we meet and come across people that enter our lives for a period of time and then Jah will remove them.  Not necessarily for a negative reason but because they have fulfilled their purpose in your life as Jah intended.  If you find this is the case then just leave it closed and let Jah work.

 

Its not always easy.  In my younger days I would continually keep doors open and re-open doors only to be hurt or worse. I allowed emotions, bloodline, other people and time length to get in my way of progress the way that Jah had intended.  With time, and faith increase I have learned and am still learning to leave doors well and truly closed.  I have learnt to pray and consult Jah before I make decisions that impact on my life or could interfere with my purpose.

 

Remember that not everyone is FOR you.  Not every smile represents a genuine heart.  Not every word of encouragement comes form a positive place!  People are very good actors and amazing haters. People you could have known for many years and consider a close friend is secretly behind your back hating on your progress or ambition.  Secretly mocking you for 'thinking too much of yourself'.  Trust me we all have those people lurking around us LOL

 

This is why I encourage you to let Jah speak into your life and dictate your circle.  Let Jah guide you and if he closes a door for your own protection please stop trying to force it open.  It closed for a reason, that you may not see right away but I promise you will see it later down the line.

Just trust and believe.

 

Be Inspired

 

S.I

Untitled

Why are we as women continuously finding ourselves settling for things that we know is beneath us?  I find myself having many conversations with my sister friends about our own experiences and the ones of those around us and the general theme is the same. 

Personally I have been someone who has been guilty of settling, guilty of lowering my own standards to appease another or make others feel comfortable.  A great example is my sham of a marriage! 

 

Meeting my ex husband and seeing from early on that he was not the right type of man for me, I should have jumped ship! Trouble was I had developed feelings and was pregnant with our child. So as many of us women do we put those cute little blinkers on and 'keep it moving'. We pretend that the red flags and warning signs are not there.   We create reasons and excuses for poor behaviour, lack of respect, lack of ambition, lack of support, cheating, lying etc. Imagine we actually sit and lie to ourselves to cover up another persons shortcomings.

 

Since I have been spending the last year and a half alone and having a lot of time to think and connect where things went wrong for me, I am able to recognise my reasons for accepting such low behaviour.  It stems back to childhood, but more recent, it has a lot to do with my relationship prior to that with my husband.  It was a very abusive relationship that left me with zero self esteem and no confidence. I did not know who I was, I was a broken and vulnerable young woman who just wanted to be loved. And then along comes this guy, giving you the attention you desire and crave, he says the right things and before you know it your unhealthyly attached to him.  I should have never been in a relationship during that period of my life, I needed to be alone.

 

So here I am in this joke of a relationship, with a man that thinks it's acceptable to cheat and lie despite me being pregnant with his child.  I'm upset, I'm hurt and to put it bluntly, pissed off at myself for allowing myself to even be in this position, it's easy to walk away alone but the dynamics change when your pregnant.  I ended up going through my pregnancy alone and reconciled with this man when our son turned one.  Despite the minimal support this man had provided me, I had a desperate desire for that two parent family. Again stemming from childhood.  I had hopes that he had come to his senses while being away from us and was going to do the right thing.  I had visions of this man proving all my friends and family wrong. It never happened.

 

What I was doing and would continue to do for the next 6 years is to forget all about my standards and the height of my bar, and instead allow another person to walk all over me.  Don't get me wrong everyone is responsible for their own actions in life but if I had maintained that level and set my bar high and KEPT it there I would have avoided many pitfalls.

 

Being away from that situation and being able to evaluate myself as a person, has meant that I am aware of where my bar needs to be and I am able to ensure that it remains there.  Set your standards high and stick to what you will and will not accept.  Look at it like this, only YOU can set the bar for you and if you allow someone to come into your life without reaching or exceeding that bar then your literally setting yourself up to fail.  We all make bad choices, but once you know better you do better.

 

 

S.I 

xx

Allow that love you have for yourself to act as a benchmark.  If you would not treat yourself wrongly why would you allow anyone else to?

 

 

 

 

 

A one girl band

The majority of us women don't bargain on having children and raising them alone without the support and input of the partner who we created that life with. As a mother to four sons I would have never expected to be faced with the highly challenging task of raising four boys into men. However here I am and smiling too.

It was not my plan, no, but I have come to the conclusion that I am built for this and come from a family of strong women who have endured and still rise. As women a lot of the time we doubt ourselves and the reality of our abilities. I mean think about it, for us to even go through the amount of effort and change it takes to even carry and birth a baby, we have to be extremely strong both mentally and physically. 

I spent many years wanting to have a "perfect" two parent household for my sons. I wanted my children to have the input of both parents under the same roof. I didn't want to be a stereotype of a single black mother. I wanted to be different. After my marriage ended I realised that my ideology of perfect and what was best for me and most importantly my sons was a far cry from what I had for over 6 years. I have grown to become secure in my own ability to provide my sons with what they need without the reliance of their fathers. 

Please do not misunderstand what I'm saying, I am by no means discrediting the positive position and also necessary position that fathers play in their children's lives no no. My elder sons father is fully involved which is great and our co-parenting works well. I fully encourage and promote two parent family units, however I have learnt to not allow the fact that my current situation sees me as a single mother, hinder me from seeing my potential and abilities as a mother.

Splitting from a partner especially if in a bitter way can leave a woman feeling at a loss for a period of time. Wondering how they will raise a child alone, or if they will be able to do a good job. I felt that plus more. Having four males looking up to you to grow them into men on today's society is daunting. How can I as a woman teach them what they need to learn about manhood. The truth is I cannot no matter how hard I try. The reason is simple, I'm a woman. However despite that I am confident that I am growing them into responsible, manner full, caring and intelligent individuals.

Every day they tell me they love me, every day they smile and tell me their little jokes, when they tell me the great achievements they have gained in school let's me know I'm doing a great job. My sons give me internal peace (my ears would disagree though lol) and fill my heart with so much pride and joy. Every day is different and they each have their own individual style, which makes it all the more interesting.

I just want to encourage all of us single mothers who are raising our amazing, gorgeous and intelligent children to keep going. You have the ability trust me. You CAN do it and do it well. You are all they can rely on at the end of the day so be the best example you can be to them. It gets hard especially when we are juggling jobs, study, and just life in general let's be honest. Keep going don't give up. Many nights I sit and look at the state of my living room and think wow, is this life? Yes it is, it's mine and I wouldn't change it for anything!

S.I

The Power of YOU

There is nothing worse than self doubt to kill our dreams.  We spend a lot of our time doubting the things we want to achieve! We can spend so much time making up reasons why we can't do something instead of using that time and energy to actually make movements to achieve what we want. 

At the age of 29 I felt that started my own community organisation supporting and empowering families in need. I had a personal deep rooted desire to help families, mainly due to my own situations I came out of. Before starting I felt like I was not equipped to even offer support let alone start a business. What was I afraid of? 

Failing, being mocked, doubters, not being good enough to do what my mind wanted to do!  Having been in a domestic violence relationship and being mentally and physically abused daily, I was called the most awful names and told that I had no worth. As anyone who has endured mental abuse, after a time it starts to take root in your mind and that's what you believe. It takes time to rebuild confidence about yourself and your abilities.

For a number of years I sat on my ideas and kept a lid on it. It was when I started a job as a Family Support worker and began speaking to families and supporting them beyond my job description, that my ideas and dreams started to resurface. The feedback from the parents I spoke to was amazing. I left that job, I was pregnant with my last child and I sat at my laptop and I started my organisation. 

I worked my arse off. Days and nights all rolled into one for me because my hunger for it fuelled me. My confidence grew massively and I found myself putting myself forward to give presentations at various places. My story I shared with many others who left inspired. I was born to do it. The work was hard but the satisfaction I felt knowing that I alone had built FAMILY-360 from scratch single handed was well worth it. I didn't care what people thought or wanted to say. I certainly didn't care what the inner me had to say either! 

I had to balance my inner voices and tell myself that I could do it. Tell myself that I'm more than capable. I feel so accomplished knowing that I managed to do that alone, being a full time mother and being pregnant too! 

Although I have had to regroup and reevaluate my organisation, just due to my own growth and the direction I now want it to go, my passion is still strong. I now know that I have no limits or boundaries to my abilities.

Every goal I have for the next year and beyond I will make happen because I believe in ME and the POWER that's within ME! 

Nothing and nobody will take that from me!

Each of us has our calling over our life. You have to tap in and find yours. What is your passion. Ask yourself that without giving any reasons why you couldn't do that. There is always a way. 

Age, sex, weight, experience, education, being a parent etc ...... NOT EXCUSES!!! There is always a way. 

My calling is simple. I have been through a lot of many different life altering events. I used to question why me? When will I catch a break?

Now I say why not me, it could only be me. I'm equipped for this. I endured my years of events, because now I am building my business to inspire, support and uplift others. My story will change and has changed lives!  I love what I do and it makes me feel satisfied. I love to use my pain to give others a sense of hope and light at the end of the tunnel.

It's not always easy but focus on finding that power in YOU. Nobody else can give you what you need. It's already in YOU♥

Be inspired ♥

Untitiled

I have been slack with my writing for the past few months which is really bad, not solely for you my lovely readers, but for me! I find writing a very therapeutic exercise. I get to chat as much or as little as I want (well not chat, write, but you see where I’m going) and speak whatever is on my mind! 

 

I was thinking to divulge why I haven’t been on my blog in such a long time but then I thought I don’t think people want to read for hours on end about my dramas, so I will break different scenarios down bit by bit and hope that it brings you some form of inspiration, hope, a smile, I dunno just something🖤

 

I was thinking today about the things I have been going through lately. 

One thing about me is that I can have a temper on me, not a flip out, 0-100 kinda temper but push my buttons with the wrong finger and it’s a wrap. There is always going to be one subject that will push my buttons (with any finger) and that is my amazing children!  I’m sure that any parent has that same lioness/cub🦁 instinct when it comes to their babies.

Aside from that I can normally switch off the anger (after a whole heap of deep breathing, a lengthy prayer and talk with my people).

Lately I’ve been finding myself in situations where my patience is being tested and my anger has been trying to emerge. 

People messing around with my children, my freedom and my career, is enough to push someone’s buttons. Now I’m a firm believer in once a relationship is over and there are children involved, they are the sole concern and should be for both parties. However in my circumstances that’s far from the case. ( I’m in the process of writing this particular lengthy, drama filled, chapter for my book at the moment!) 

Anyway while I was in a reflective mode one day amidst all this drama I had to have a conversation with myself. 

Despite having my shameful, manipulative, lying, disgraceful, ungrateful (gosh I could really build an extensive list for this dude) ex partner and his latest... (trying to be nice and pick the right words for this creature, I mean female haha) ‘partner’, attempting to not only defame my character, and separate me from my children with pathetic lies 🙄, and thinking it is appropriate to discipline my son 😡😡 (HUGE NO NO).... I thought to myself are these two twits actually worth my energy?

 

Short answer is no. Initially I justified getting angry every time either of their names were mentioned, or seeing their wicked faces in the street. But then I had to reason with myself that anger is an emotion, I should not be having ANY emotion to these people whatsoever! 

I’m actually allowing them to wind me up and that’s not cool. 

I had to remember teachings from childhood which I’m sure you’ve heard or been taught...

 

 

“Everything done in dark will come to light”

“Karma is a bi*ch”

“Liars never prosper”

“A nuh everyting soak up wataa a sponge”

“Cock mouth kill cock”

 

Patience is truly a virtue, and to have patience in the midst of storms shows a great character trait in my opinion!

 

You see in life there are always going to be people who think they know you and want to try you. It could be due to a fear of you, jealousy, envy, hatred etc.  The thing to remember and put into practice is that if someone is irrelevant in your life why allow them the privilege of a part of your emotion. Sometimes the greatest power you can show to someone is turning away and keep shining, handle what you need to handle and keep it moving.

 

When you feel like your getting too irate over someone who is not important or their actions look around you and realise your blessings. Life is great. Everyone has their day and has to provide explanations for their actions to the most high! 

 

Be inspired 🖤

 

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Happy new year!!!! It’s finally here the start of a new year, which always signifies another opportunity to change, improve, fulfill and deliver all the things I planned to do in 2017.

Last year I had many New Years resolutions such as going to the gym, eating right etc and I didn’t manage to maintain them. So this year I’ve ditched the whole “new year new me” cliche.  This year I’m simply doing. 

 

Last year taught me so much about myself. I gained a real understanding of myself and how strong as a woman I actually am. I’ve managed to overcome so much in life, I’ve maintained a fight attitude whenever things have got tough, most of all I’ve maintained my faith and trust in The most high! 

Although I may not be a regular church goer or post endless religious quotes in social media my relationship with the most high is unwavering.  I’ve got dealt some awful hands, had to endure some testing moments but I’ve also had some of the most beautiful moments in my life this year.

Discovering who I was led me to my fiancé who has shown me that not all men are the same, that I am deserving of the best and most royal treatment and who loves me just as much with my headscarf, wig or natural hair on. My best friend. I’m completely blessed. 

 

I’m excited for this coming year. Excited to find out even more about myself, to living my best life, to experinencing am abundance of love and light. Watching the babies that God entrusted to me grow another year. 

 

It’s gonna be a great year of growth, empowerment and movements.

 

She inspires ❤️