The majority of us women don't bargain on having children and raising them alone without the support and input of the partner who we created that life with. As a mother to four sons I would have never expected to be faced with the highly challenging task of raising four boys into men. However here I am and smiling too.
It was not my plan, no, but I have come to the conclusion that I am built for this and come from a family of strong women who have endured and still rise. As women a lot of the time we doubt ourselves and the reality of our abilities. I mean think about it, for us to even go through the amount of effort and change it takes to even carry and birth a baby, we have to be extremely strong both mentally and physically.
I spent many years wanting to have a "perfect" two parent household for my sons. I wanted my children to have the input of both parents under the same roof. I didn't want to be a stereotype of a single black mother. I wanted to be different. After my marriage ended I realised that my ideology of perfect and what was best for me and most importantly my sons was a far cry from what I had for over 6 years. I have grown to become secure in my own ability to provide my sons with what they need without the reliance of their fathers.
Please do not misunderstand what I'm saying, I am by no means discrediting the positive position and also necessary position that fathers play in their children's lives no no. My elder sons father is fully involved which is great and our co-parenting works well. I fully encourage and promote two parent family units, however I have learnt to not allow the fact that my current situation sees me as a single mother, hinder me from seeing my potential and abilities as a mother.
Splitting from a partner especially if in a bitter way can leave a woman feeling at a loss for a period of time. Wondering how they will raise a child alone, or if they will be able to do a good job. I felt that plus more. Having four males looking up to you to grow them into men on today's society is daunting. How can I as a woman teach them what they need to learn about manhood. The truth is I cannot no matter how hard I try. The reason is simple, I'm a woman. However despite that I am confident that I am growing them into responsible, manner full, caring and intelligent individuals.
Every day they tell me they love me, every day they smile and tell me their little jokes, when they tell me the great achievements they have gained in school let's me know I'm doing a great job. My sons give me internal peace (my ears would disagree though lol) and fill my heart with so much pride and joy. Every day is different and they each have their own individual style, which makes it all the more interesting.
I just want to encourage all of us single mothers who are raising our amazing, gorgeous and intelligent children to keep going. You have the ability trust me. You CAN do it and do it well. You are all they can rely on at the end of the day so be the best example you can be to them. It gets hard especially when we are juggling jobs, study, and just life in general let's be honest. Keep going don't give up. Many nights I sit and look at the state of my living room and think wow, is this life? Yes it is, it's mine and I wouldn't change it for anything!