I get asked alot about how i deal with the cards thats been dealt to me in life, of late the cards ive been dealt with in relationships and the outcomes. I personally cannot even answer those questions because all i know is that without my faith and the people that i have around me i would be lost.
I speak to so many female friends and family that seem to be going through this season of men not realising or appreciating a womans worth. Im not blogging to bash all men because granted there are some fantastic men out there that truly appreciate and value a queen and what she has to offer him. Im speaking about the men that abuse a womans trust, those men that devalue a woman, those that break a woman down and still expect the woman to remain faithful or stick by them.
As a woman who has experienced all of the above its hurtful. Not only because some, not all, of us women are faithful and loyal, encouraging and loving towards our partner, but because we are always striving to do better and are subjected to time wasting males that find it fun to create havoc in our lives. I guess the natural thing is when you give your all to another you expect them to do the same in return. You expect them to value what your expelling and work ALONGSIDE you not against you. But when its not what happens and you find yourself broken down or turned bitter, it can ever long lasting effects on your life and future relationships.
I am legally married (now separated) to a man who placed the spirit of lust and infidelity in our marriage and in our home. I believed that we were in a growing relationship and any short comings of the past were left. I was happy enough and as many women felt that i could be a superhero and change this man from his past ways. I thought that my positive input in his life would have us sailing into the sunset. (I laugh as i write this)
I forgave his past mistakes and married him against the wishes of my close family and friends because i thought i could make it work. I wanted the 'fairytale'. I wanted my children to grow up with their father in the home with stability, I wanted to do it 'the right way'.
Ive realised now through reflection that my ideology of what i thought was stablity was not even close. I was fighting a losing battle. Married and still the 'victim' (now overcomer) of my husbands affairs.
The news of that affair 2 weeks before i gave birth and after our mariage renewal broke me. Not just because of the sexual aspect but the disrespect and lack of value to what i gave to his life. I was his wife. We had exchanged vows before family and friends and above all God. The news left me completely confused and depressed. I couldnt see where i had gone wrong. I didnt sleep or eat.
If you have ever been cheated on you find yourself comparing yourself to the other woman and doubting your own qualities. I went through a literal top to toe comparison.
Was i too slim?
was my hair not long enough?
was my complexion not right?
was i not fun enough?
was i too ambitious?
had i not spent enough time and attention loving my partner?
The list goes on and the battle consumed me. Until i realised NO. I wasnt the issue he was the issue.
This is what i mean by a man wearing you down mentally and physically. The truth is he wasnt enough for me. He failed at being the husband that i needed and deserved. I could have given him the world and still it wouldnt change anything.
When you relfect on yourself and go on a journey to rediscover yourself you realise like i have, that you are so valuable. I am worth more than diamonds and gold. I am precious and deserving of genuine love. I can hold my head high and know that i WAS enough just not for his standards. Its hurtful yes, and it angers me more than anything because i invested and gave so much to this man, but such a valuable lesson for many reasons. Number one im no longer in dreamland, i am no longer being hurt and decieved and i have rediscovered myself and gained back my lost self esteem and confidence.
If a man cannot see your value beyond bedroom activity, what he can get from you etc, or wanting to live a single mans lifestyle yet be with you then he is not worth your time. Its better to wake up alone than be sleeping with a stranger! A man should treat his woman like the queen that she is. Beyond material things and fancy words, but spoil her with honesty, respect and a genuine heart and attittude.
As i take the journey of rebuilding and empowering myself, i thank Jah for his guidance and love. He has given me such a new found love and respect for myself because he loves me just the way i am. I do not have to be someone else or try to adapt myself for him to love me. I am now able to know that any man i have a relationship with has to have the same model. He has to love me in the same fashion.
Jah has allowed me to fall in love with myself and discover my talents, and my abilities that had been overshadowed by focusing on the wrong things. Im just so thankful for the hurt and pain that ive recently endured. Im stronger now because ive had to be. Im a mother and i NEED to show my children the right way to handle a relationship. Above all im a woman and us women are built to withstand, so how do i fall down at a hurdle? No i dust off and come back stronger and above all wiser!
You can rise above the unsavoury cards that are dealt to you. I know that feeling of being so low and feeling worthless because somebody took you for granted. I know that sick, kick in your stomac,h Mike Tyson style box that being told about a partners infidelity can give you. I know about those nights crying yourself to sleep. Being a mother and having to rebuild yourself to do it by yourself or facing the reality of a 2 parent home being snatched away. Trust me i know. I also know that when you reach your lowest point where you cant cry anymore, thats when you start the uphill climb. It hard but its worth it.
You can and you will overcome.
I just encourage any woman who has been robbed of their knowledge of their worth to fight and regain it. Fight and get it back. Why settle for less than you deserve. Get comfortable being with you, empower yourself and love the skin you are in. You are beautiful and worthy of a king.
Stay up my beautiful, diamond Queens
A man that doesnt know a womans worth is a fool to himself.