So many of us have experienced a toxic relationship in fact too many of us have. You know that type of relationship that leaves you totally drained emotionally and mentally, and often times physically. I’ve been in both toxic and abusive relationships where it was so unhealthy that it left long lasting damage to my life.
As a Coach I speak to many women who are either in or have left a toxic relationship, but feel stuck on how to move past the damage they’ve been left with. Now I believe that after every interaction with someone we take something away from it, good or bad, positive or negative. We may have a great relationship with someone but have to end it for other reasons aside from it being toxic, so we will most likely end up with positive take aways.
Unfortunately for me I experienced a string of toxic relationships. The string was formed because I became so used to the toxic life it was all I knew, what I expected, and easily accepted. My confidence had been blown away, self love, boundaries, respect was all a myth. So leaving my last toxic relationship, I knew I had to change things within MYSELF and HEAL myself. And not for the purpose of getting into another relationship (at that time I was soooo anti men lol) but for myself.
Here are 5 tips that I used to get past toxic relationships……
1* Prayer… As a woman of faith prayer really helped me to overcome a lot of the pain I was carrying. It was a release for me to be able to cry, speak out, and meditate without judgement. With my ex having had an affair my family and friends were not the best people to give unbiased advise or support at the time. God has truly helped me to heal my heart and let go of anger and hurt feelings that were ruling my head.
2* Forgiveness… oh yes this was one of the hardest for me as you can imagine given the circumstances of break up! But think about it like this. When you refuse to forgive someone for their wrongs you hold yourself in bondage. That person may not even care or may have already prayed for their own forgiveness. You holding onto anger and hate only destroys you. It ages you (and us women love to remain youthful), and it ultimately makes you bitter. Forgiving does not mean forgetting.
3* Practice self love… I lost a lot of self love and had to learn how to love myself all over again. It’s all about making yourself a priority and really taking care of yourself in all areas. I started blogging as a way of expressing my feelings back in 2016. It helped to develop my confidence and provided me with a platform to support other women. The more positive feedback I got the more I felt confident not just in speaking out but in my abilities and my purpose.
If your struggling with self love download my FREE ebook on self love
4* Seek closure… Now this part really depends on the other person. Sometimes the relationship was too toxic to sit down and have a closure conversation but if you can, it could be beneficial to bring some ending to your relationship. If you cannot which I never got the opportunity to, then you need to bring about your own closure. That comes about by having acceptance, forgiveness and rebuilding self love. When you have come to accept the past situation and hold no ill feelings in your heart, I would say you have achieved closure.
5* Clear the baggage… Each relationship or even just each interaction we have we take something away from it. In some cases it could be negative baggage that weighs us down. It could come in the form of anger issues or insecurities. The alternative is taking away a positive form of baggage which of course should be kept. But entering into another relationship or even just moving forward you do not want to carry excess baggage…. Think Erykah Badu Bag Lady!!!!
Sometimes the hardest part is getting over the relationship. It’s hardly ever easy and can feel never ending but by taking these steps I promise you it will make the process a lot easier. I’m living proof.
Love and light xx